Government Meat

I watched this documentary today that literally left my mind spinning. Its called What the Health and conveniently on Netflix. I considered myself on a healthier diet because I typically eat a variety of vegerables meats and dairy. Man, let me tell you that I was honestly shocked by what companies do to hide what they are giving the meat we eat daily. I am honestly condisering giving up processed meat and dairy. Organic dairy product are just as bad so dont waste your money. I am a heavy milk drinker, like 3 glasses a day at the least. Did you know that there is an allowed pus percentage allowed in milk?! The cows tit is so swollen and engorged that there is puss coming out of it. Are you kidding me??

Fish is hazardous because people like to screw up the environment and dump toxins in the water. That one I saw coming and fisherys have to constantly give their fish antibiotic because the tanks are so packed with diseased fish.

Now that I think of it, I remember an older guy at the farmers market from a long time ago. He shook his head and mumbled government meat. I thought nothing of it at the time but it makes so much sense to me. The FDA and USDA are the governmental agencies that regulate what we get on the market. The meat you buy at the store, regardless of whether or not is free range or grass fed, is still given a crap ton of antibiotics. Its literally Government issued meat. And I never got the connection.

The WTO labeled processed meat as a carcinogen in the same category as cigarettes. All the health food article say to switch to chicken because its better. Wrong! Chicken meat is pumped full of a salt water solution.

So pretty much any processed meat or byproducts are the leading causes of diabetes, acute heart disease, breast cancer, osteoporosis, breast cancer and a load of other stuff I cant remember this second.

Oh and get this. Eating alot of sugar doesn’t cause diabetes. Yep that’s right. Its saturated fats and cholesterol that make it so that sugar can’t be absorbed properly so it stays in your blood stream. Granted this accounts for years of the same diet. I’m not dismissing hereditary diabetes at all, just forms of it that you obtain from a poor diet.

What makes all of this worse for me is know all of this information, and I still have to question whether or not I want to make some serious lifestyle changes. Because that’s what it would be for me. I would literally have to change everything. The kicker is, that I have a serious allergy to coconut. And that is in most vegan foods not to mention 75% of the normal products that I can’t use because its a preservative. Its not like I want anything fancy. I just want soap and toothpaste that won’t kill me.

Falling off

Lately I have been falling off or going astray from things I’ve been trying to do. I feel guilty and a little disappointed. The lifestyle changes ,the eating habits and routine have all been a little off, more so than I would like. But ill get back to it.

Work has been mundane but have posed obstacles as well. Things are constantly changing to the point that it feels like everything I’ve been working towards as almost been pointless. But I keep pushing. There are those days that I wonder to myself why I keep pushing as hard as I do if I feel like I’m going nowhere. I second guess my career and the choices that I made to get there. But I keep on pushing forward. Why? I suppose that its because I don’t know any other way. My mentality is to take on any challenge big or small. I think my biggest issue is dealing with people who are childish. I thought that being a part of corporate meant something. I forgot that it means something different to everyone. Its the people that surround me. They act foolish in ways that make me feel like they are compensating for something. Like they are trying to relive their days in college. All the party’s and all the drinking… Its not that I’m not invited to participate. I simply have no interest in any of that. I’m still trying to create a life. No relive things I missed or did when o was younger. Not to mention bringing it into the office. 

There are times when I literally can’t focus on what I’m doing because they are being loud, obnoxious, and acting like children. Call me scrooge if you like, but I believe that there is a time and place for everything. I have learned that if you don’t adapt to the culture of work that it will be unpleasant for you. I can see how it happens. But I don’t feel like I should have to still to that level to be successful. I don’t feel like I should have to keep my head down either. And I won’t. One thing you can always count on is for me to say exactly what I see.

I have been sketching again. Im not so good at sketching people and facial features so I have been practicing. I find it relaxing and am happy that I can focus my attention to something else other than my mind numbing business classes. Its getting hot again so I have no interest in being outside.

Mortality of Eye Sight

Looking to the left and right of me, I sit in an office full of elderly patients. I always stand out in the eye specialists office as the youngest patient in the room. My eyes have lived the life in theirs in half the time. I focus on always moving forward in other aspects of my life and try not to dwell too hard on things I cant change. My eyes being one of them.

To be honest, I dont know how “normal people” see. I have never had a natural lens in my left eye and have been contact dependant since 18 months. I suppose its better that way. To never really know what you’ve lost. To be an anomaly is the age of technology seens ironic and almost cruel.

It seems as though my glaucoma has gotten worse and I will receive scolding from my doctor for not coming in sooner. Life gets in the way of monitoring something I cant change. I suppose I make excuses for not wanting to face my condition because it cant be fixed. I should be better about it. I should care more. But I don’t. The end result is self loathing and overall defeat. And I don’t feel the need to be in that state of mind.

My post today has a simple premise. Appreciate what you have, when you have it. Dont take your life and health for granted. Its so important, being able to see. As my vision worsens, I understand that concept more than ever.

Lifestyle Changes

I have embarked on a journey to a more productive lifestyle. I officially started training my body for full ketosis. For those of you that don’t know, its a high protein low carb diet. I was so unaware of how much food has good and bad carbs. I’m learning slowly but surely. I also started another yoga challenge today. I find it helps me relax my mind and be more in touch with my body. I find it better than free weights or calestetics because I hurt less afterwards. It is a slow progression but I find it more rewarding.

I find my classes in university taking a toll on me. The ever evolving teachers and information from 5 week courses leave my mind buzzing. I keep pushing forward, knowing that this will ease my way into something better. I am torn about my masters program but I have plenty of time to think about it. One step at a time.

In the world of politics, I can’t seem to wrap my head around. The ignorance and hate in people astounds me. Of course we knew it was put there but its getting braver. Its showing its ugly face. The executive order made me furious. My employer sent out a warning email to employees from the ” banned countries” to mot leave the country lest they be stuck out of it. Unbelievable. People who have worked hard their entire lives walking on egg shells simply because of where they came from. Its disgusting. Not to mention the refugees left to die as casualties of war. My heart goes out to the innocent lives and families affected by it.


I was thinking about the traditions we developed for thanksgiving in my childhood home. There were so many things we did to make the holiday ours.

The day would start at 5 am with the turkey. Cleaning and prep didn’t take long, just the tremendously long cooking time. Mom always picked out the biggest one she could find. That way we would have left overs for about a week.

It was a feast for everyone and everything alive in the house! We would buy apples for the horses, cook giblets for the dogs, and fresh milk for the cats. We had a turkey named Tom who survived thanksgiving for 2 years. We had originally got him for the holiday but mom got attached. Food turned into friendly.

Mom, Grams, and myself would cook ALL day and have a feast ready by about 2 or 3 in the afternoon. The rest of the day was spent fat and happy. I remember when we would sit around the dinner table. There was chatter and the wonderful mixture of smells. We would take turns talking about what we were thankful for and the events throughout the year. It was laughter and smiles and turkey naps after.

The first year spent away from home was hard. It was made harder with Grams passing away. Thanksgiving was one of her favorite holidays, it seemed fitting that she would pass being surrounded my family and good food. I was the only thing missing. I miss her very much.

I cook thanksgiving with the recipes of my childhood, along with ones I’ve created myself. I get a little homesick. Sometimes a little emotional. Smells trigger many memories for me, and it takes me to that exact moment. How I felt, who I was with…. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it makes me smile, sometimes both..

This year I work on the holiday. I suppose it makes things easier.

I am truly thankful for everything I have, all the people in my life, close friends, and family. I’m blessed and wish others had the same happiness. Life is too short not to appreciate. Like a quick snap and it flys.

Thank you for reading.

I felt it drop.

There’s a hopeless pit in my stomach. The kind that hits you like a shock. Dumbfounded I stare at my phone, hoping that it is all just a nightmare and I can rip myself out of it.

The campaign for the election was so full of hate and ignorance. The headliner for this being Donald Trump. The fact that we had two criminals running for office was bad enough. But the results fill me with dread and sadness. 

I have never felt so separated mentally from my country and the road I see unraveling in front of us. I have a feeling that the conduct we saw during this campaign and the series of events that happened will only continue. 

Why are people so scared of voting third party? Why must we be stuck in the habits of only choosing one or the other? I refuse to lower my standards and cast a ballot for something I don’t believe in.

Reality has set in and now its time to plan.

Mind over matter…

This what people do to themselves. They either succumb to the pain or they alleviate it with a quick fix. But what if what your going through required a new type of life style? Would you be the person to take that step or continue routine insanity?

I suffer from constant headaches. It is something that I don’t like to share. I have dealt with this a long time and there is no prescription that I feel comfortable with. Do you know what they try to give you for migraines and headaches? Medicine that is used to treat depression or seizures. Crazy right? When I went into the doctors office, all I wanted was to get better. To have a good day. 

I don’t know how to describe the constant pain or even how I manage to smile most days. Its piercing this pain. The multiple doctors I saw, at the best hospitals in the country, all diagnosed me with “suicide headaches”. Oh yeah. That was a hard one to swallow. I sought out a way to fix myself. Went through surgery. Got hooked on pain meds. Took myself off of them. Went through withdrawal. And back to square one.

I have been trying to kick caffeine. This has eased the pain for me for years but I don’t like the idea of being so dependant on something. So I’m trying to do research on my own. Trying to find a different method or a different way to not let this mind-numbing pain drive me crazy.

I am my no means looking for a cure or pills to swallow. Clearly our medicine has failed me. I just need a way to help my tolerance of it. A way to be stronger than myself. That concept probably doesn’t make sense but life doesn’t make sense in the first place.

This is not a cry for help or attention . I simply need to vent. Writing helps me organize my thoughts. I am not a victim of circumstance. I refuse to be seen in that light. Prideful, yes. Stubborn, yes. Better to try to take a step in the right direction, then to remain stagnant.

My inner voice, in moments of weakness, keeps me moving and keeps me going. The people who matter and the people I care for deeply, they keep me going. My husband, family and friends. My hopes and dreams. These push me to fight, instead of falling into hopelessness.

If you feel this type of pain, know that my heart goes out to you. I send you positive thoughts and encourage you to keep moving forward. If you are thinking to yourself that you don’t have the strength, you are wrong. You deserve to be happy, laugh, and smile. 

Don’t ever give up! 

I never will.

In the moment.

With the recent change of position, I have had the time to take up yoga again. It’s my favorite way to start the day. I’m getting back into the swing of things by doing a 30 day yoga challenge. I lost some flexibility but I seem to be getting it back slowly but surely. There are a few poses that really need practice, mainly the ones that require balance. What I love about yoga is the breathing. Seems silly right? Yeah I know, I also giggled to myself about it. But yoga is not just about being super flexible or being able to balance. Its about connecting to your breath and living in the moment. It sounds simple and easy but when you have no off button….this is a challenge. 

University is going well. I finished up my second class, and just started a third. The material is dry…but I did learn a few things about myself in the process. I learned that I need to work on my patience and the somewhat unrealistic standards that I have the tendency to set for people. I need to have more patience in myself. I can be my own worst critic and get disappointed when I don’t understand something right away. I also tend to try to push my perfectionist point of view around… Not everyone is me. Not everyone has the same drive or motivation. Its ok to take a step back and reassess what your doing. I have been doing this a lot lately, and it helps the whirlwind…sometimes.

Its in the Air…

Changes are happening. There have been so many things that have happened within the last week. Decisions made, opportunities given and opportunities taken. Slow, subtle change doesn’t bother me in the slightest, it rapid changes that make me take a step back and evaluate.

I wonder to myself if I’m really doing what I was meant for. There have been so many careers that I have pursued , in the hopes of gaining fulfillment and life experience. I invest the time and research into them only to realize that they are not for me in one aspect or another. It leaves me standing here with more questions than answers.

My current ambition is to get my bachelors and my teaching credentials. I would like to gain experience teaching in the US and join the peace corps. I would like to help those in need and give young minds hope. In a world that seems hard and cruel, there is the light and happiness to be found. I have given a great deal of thought as to what being a teacher meant to me. So here it is.

A teacher is a mentor, someone who can lead you on the correct path and teach you to think freely and independently. They teach through their experience and the lessons they learned along the way. Students are not simply a number, a tick on the attendance roster, or a statstic to add to your reputation. They show compassion and understanding. If students are falling behind in class, they go that extra mile to bring them up to speed. They hold them accountable for their work and give credit when credit is due. They are punctual and follow through with deadlines. The same deadlines that they hold their students accountable for. They are someone to looked up to, to inspire young minds.

These are simply my expectations. Especially for teachers that our teaching our future generation. I have a high set of expectations for myself, perhaps a little too high.

I’m not sure where this road with take me. I’m not sure whether or not I will be successful or if I will find something that suits me better. This is something I want to do. Its something I can picture in my mind. On the other hand, I don’t want to romanticize too much, lest I be disappointed between the difference in reality.

It has begun!

Yes! It is that time of year where any spare time turns into academic necessity. My classes have recently started and the balancing act is in full swing.

This brings me to what I would like to speak about today. Most of my classmates are parents and/or professionals that have returned to school. I find it inspiring and bittersweet at the same time. Inspiring because they made the decision to make a change in their lives and work towards something better. It is bittersweet because its more common to see people get caught up in life. In the moments of things. In a way that negatively impacts their future or sets them back.

My fellow students, most of them, started school and simply gave up because it was too hard for them. Because they didn’t have the emotional or financial support. This is the part that is bittersweet for me. The why. Why didn’t you have support? Why did you let circumstance hold you back? I am a firm believer in “where there’s a will, there is a way”.

Sometimes I wish I could bottle up what inner strength I have and share it with those in need. I wish I could be the support system that people need to better themselves. I find that people often underestimate themselves and what good things they are capable of. I suppose its just easier to see from the outside looking in.

The important message here is to better your future. Be the positive in peoples lives. Its a challenge to be faced. Being the positive in a world with so many negatives. It is something that can be achieved. 

Take a moment to think about something positive you did today. If you can’t think of anything, then change it. It could be something as simple as being a friend, organizing clutter, eating fruit instead of candy, setting short/ long term goals.

Until next time.